she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
