btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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