When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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