I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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