just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
