Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
