I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
