She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's official drugs can't kill me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
