Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
