the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize