She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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