she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
