I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
