I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
