I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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