she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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