New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
