You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
