Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
