I faked an abortion last night.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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