Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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