If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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