You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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