After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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