I'm jealous of your bromance
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
