he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
