My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think your dad took our porno
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
