I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
