What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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