fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
