I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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