I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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