Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
