he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
