I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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