If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
