So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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