I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
