i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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