i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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