so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
