so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize