Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
