Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
