my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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