I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
