Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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