It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
