Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
