somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need a beard to bite.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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