do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
