I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
