Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
