i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
