I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
