I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
