Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
