Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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