I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
