didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
