I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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