small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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