from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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