the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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