hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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