Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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