i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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