i think my tv is drunk
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
