hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
