How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
