you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize