My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
