do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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