I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
