If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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