I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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