Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize