yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
