i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize