My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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